Tuesday, February 19, 2008

#5 I Hate Girls Who Pretend They Like Sports


Here, I must say pretend, instead of just simply saying I hate girls who like sports.  This is because there is just no such thing.  Girls do not like sports.  Okay, I take that back, I'm a girl and I enjoy a round of tennis.  I also played left defense for Team Evanston in my prime, though it was the B team.  Playing sports is fun, and a great way to stay in shape.  However, this is not exactly what I mean.  What I am referring to here are the idiots who follow their boyfriends to Bears games and actual attempt to offer some type of side commentary.  Yes, sporting events are fun.  I especially love going to baseball games because the atmosphere is awesome, the hotdogs are delicious, the beer is refreshing, and the guys are generally attractive (Cubs games, not Sox).  But I am not going to for one minute pretend like I know the different between an RBI and an ERA. Any girl who knows these things has simply looked up as much information as she can right before you picked her up for the game. 

Football is the worst.  Football jerseys do not look cute on girls.  So stop wearing them.  And while basketball may be somewhat understandable after many attempts to follow it, football will always remain a puzzle.  You are not any cooler to the guys if you can name the offensive line for the Bears.  In fact, which ever guy you are attempting to impress is probably wondering if you are a lez.  Have you ever realized that the more manly a girl looks, the more she is into sports?  It is always the big girl in front front row with the enormous beer/burger combo, screaming at the top of her lungs at someone to pass or tackle. Fact: the more feminine looking the girl, the less she cares about sports, and I'll keep my femininity, thank you very much.

When a home team team does well, I am glad because everyone goes out and is in a good mood. I do not however paint my face and scream at the top of my lungs high-fiving ever other dude with a Cubs hat on.  I don't even like tailgating, because that entails getting up early, though I understand why most girls would want to do it.  If you are going to have to suffer through a sporting event, you might as well get drunk.  I have never seen a sober girl enjoying herself at a game.  And while it is not uncommon for a plastered guy to be sitting next to his drunk girlfriend, he will still likely have a good time regardless of the alcohol, unless of course his team is down.  I have learned that that is grounds for male tears.  And, while that is something else I hate, we won't get into that right now.

2 comments:

Sincinati said...

I know girls who like sports. This article seems to be a vast oversimplification. Grouping all girls together as fakers seems a little unfair. And knowing about sports doesn't make you less feminine. Lots of girls grow up in households with brothers, dads, etc. who watch sports regularly. Does it make them manly to take interest? I don't think so, and any suggestion otherwise is, in my opinion, absurd. As more and more girls play sports growing up, more and more become passionate about their teams. You dont have 2 options: "Be a lesbian or be a cheerleader." Are we living in the 19th century?

Gee Argow said...

Chill out Sincinati it's supposed to be funny you don't have to get all hyped up and feminist on us.