Thursday, February 21, 2008

#11 I Hate the Keg


I really don't think I've ever enjoyed it.  Not even when I was 19.  Maybe that's because when I was starting to think it was semi fun, some dude got shot.  Side note: the kid who did the shooting was my 7th grade science partner.  I clearly remember poking his inner cheek with a toothpick for DNA samples.  Anyway, what's so great about the keg?  I guess if you are a 16 year old chick or a 24 year old dude it's real happenin'... at least that's what I've been told.  

The front part of the bar seems to be where the shooters hang out.  It's also where some pretty entertaining fights go down, such as Garrett fighting with "Piff Paff" and knocking over a popcorn machine, or me being called a slut and getting serious bows dropped on me (true story).  Then there is the back area which usually seems to be taken over by people who are slightly socially awkward, such as the "Circle".  The darts/pool area is full of New Trier and Loyola kids. While it is an Evanston bar, I guess it's okay for neighboring towns to check out the seriously hot scene.  What really irks me is these jokes coming from Highland Park and Lake Forest as though they are VIPs rolling through Les Deux.  Are you really going to come this far to hang out at the Keg of Evanston?  

These girls are the types that literally spend Friday to the next Thursday planning what they are going to wear that night.  So many times I have been asked, "What are you wearing tonight?"  Do you really think I give a shit?  It's the keg, how about a dirty pair of sweat pants and a beater.  I guess it's not only these girls from the Northshore, but also Evanston girls, particularly a specific group two years younger than me.  This is the night they really get to shine.

The dance floor may be my favorite part, though I'm probably there least often.  I am the worst dancer in the entire world.  I'm not going to hate on other  people for being bad dancers, because they have one up on me for at least not caring what other people think.  It's still funny to watch one of your friends up on a pole demanding everyone look at her, another dancing with a football player who tells her he wants to "sop her up like a biscuit" and a third chick wearing literally a t-shirt and gogo boots juking with a member of the gangster disciples (okay, I guess this wasn't at the keg, but it might have well been).

Wait so do I hate the Keg then? Or am I extremely entertained by it?  I'm pretty sure I hate it, considering the only time I went there this past summer was when I was told this little bitch was talking smack about my sister.  I hate it because it reminds me of a brothel, where older guys go because they know without a doubt they will at least get a make out on the dance floor with a junior in high school,  I hate it because orange skinned whores "forget" to wear underwear under their 2 inch jean skirts, I hate it because I feel like I have to take at least 3 showers after coming back in order to feel remotely clean, I hate Erika the bartender giving me dirty looks every time I ask for a shot of soco and lime, and I hate how every Friday morning, the People's Champ calls me and tells me that he's too old for it there and promises never to go back, only to return 6 days later.

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