#1 I Hate Girls

I hate girls.  I really and truly do.  Being one myself, this may seem odd however it's the god honest truth,  I am not some tranny who feels trapped in a woman's body while longing to be a man.  In fact, I enjoy being a girl most of the time and take pleasure in many things that are commonly associated with being a girl.  For example, there was a time in my life when I went to get a manicure once a week, choosing colors ranging from the lightest pink (marshmallow) to the classic goth favorite, midnight surprise, only to peel of the polish and chew off any new signs of nail growth within the first 3 days.  

I also thoroughly enjoy shopping. I find myself raking through the racks of clothes at Nordstrom at least every other Saturday afternoon if not more often.  Sometimes, I hide from one of the sales girls in my favorite section because I am embarrassed at how often I shop there.  I realize that this is idiotic because she is really very friendly and is only there to help me.  But I do not need help.  I despise being followed around asked if I need any assistance.  I also loathe people that do need assistance when shopping.  Seriously what the hell do they need help with?  I guess once in awhile you may need something in another size, but generally, that doesn't work out.  If it's not on the racks, you're not going to get it.  

And honestly, I do love to wear makeup.  Women are lucky in that if they wake up looking like shit, there is always a go to product.  Bags under the eyes get covered by heavy makeup, pimples are concealed, eyebrows are filled in, and lashes are lengthened.  The only thing an unfortunate looking guy can hope to do is hide under a baseball cap, but usally this does not quite do the trick.  

Almost as much as hating girls, I hate girls who complain about being girls.  They ask stupid questions like, "why do we have to give birth?" and "why do we have to get our periods?"  Well, we get the upper hand for carrying the baby because more often than not, the children are much closer to the mother than the father.  And as for the period, stuff it.  Literally and figuratively.  

But back to why I hate girls, they are so god damn annoying.  Instead of going for a weekly manicure and taking pleasure in chewing off the polish, I have noticed that they freak out when a small piece chips and demand it to be fixed immediately.  Or they skip the manicure altogether and get fake nails, and I cannot think of anything more hideous than this.  I will admit that I got some for a school dance junior year of high school, but that is exactly what it was, a dance junior year of high school.  And at that young age of 16, I realized that it was simply unacceptable.  Same goes for fake tans, spray on or bed.  

When girls go shopping they take hours upon hours trying on an outfit, taking it off, putting on a new one, then going. back to the old one and comparing.  Some may even take pictures with their camera phones, sending them to friends asking for their opinions.  On the other hand, I will try something on and ask myself if it looks good.  It usually does, so I buy it.  If it does not look good (a rarity indeed), I discard it.  

And as for makeup, it is misused more than any other household item.  Yes, as girls we should use the power of makeup to elongate our lashes, create a rosy glow on our cheeks, and gloss our lips.  But most girls take this power too far.  Halloween comes once a year and it's fun because everyone loves to dress up and in some cases scare people.  Most girls seem to believe Halloween occurs every day dressing like sluts, painting their eyes in thick black cat like shapes, or caking their makeup on like a clown.  Sometimes, when it is hot enough outside, the makeup will melt and a line is formed along the face separating the neck from the rest of the face.  This is my favorite.

Returning to the phenomenon of the tanning bed, it just needs to end.  It takes away from going on a vacation to somewhere warm.  Usually, the best part of a tropical vacation is knowing that when you get home, all of your friends will say, "You're so tan! I'm so jealous!"  Nowadays, what is the point of a vacation?  You might as well take off work, sit in your room doing nothing but read trashy beach novels for a few days and then head to the local tanning salon.  What's the difference?  Moreover, how tan do girls need to get these days?  I'm happy with a splattering of freckles here and there, and while my fair skin simply burns and peels, I am certainly not jealous of those walking around looking like Oompa Loompas.  Tan girls turn into wrinkly old leather skinned women, many of whom believe it or not have had some form or another of skin cancer.  I truly believe pale is the new tan, and while I hope to get more freckles at the beach this summer, I do think all tanning salons should be shut down.  This brings me to another thing I hate...