Tuesday, May 26, 2009

#29 I Hate France

France is certainly not a destination I'd like to say Bonjour to! With it's smelly citizens, disgustingly unrecognizable food choices, and blatant America and Jew haters, I would choose to skip it on any European tour. I have not been to France since I was about 13 years old, and I must say it's been a fabulous 10 years since. After spending a grueling 5 days in Paris, I believe I have fulfilled my lifetime French fix, though I will miss the croissants. They are surely not something we can mimic in our attempts at Parisian bakeries. 

French people smell bad. It's not a stereotype if it's true, right? Maybe they're conserving water. I can respect that, but there's got to be a better way. Truthfully, I think that they are just trying to prevent Americans from getting too close. Well, I'll tell you something Madame and Monsieur, whatever you're doing (or not doing), it's working. Not only do they smell, but they're downright rude. Ask a Mexican for directions and he'll not only tell you how to get there, but take you personally and then maybe even share some pleasant conversation over tequila shots (or try to touch your boobs). Ask a Frenchman and receive a look dirtier than his unwashed armpits. 

Why do they hate us so much? As they walk the streets in their crappy American athletic jerseys watching crappy American TV and listening to even crappier American music, they can't even give us props for theses gifts we've bestowed upon them, while we have named two of life's greatest pleasures, the kiss and the fry, after them! All I ask in return is a little merci here and there.

Some people ask me if maybe I was simply too young to truly understand all that Paris has to offer. After all, it is the city of love. Unfortunately I do not think I will ever love it. What is really so great about it? It has the Mona Lisa, which you have to wait in a 4 hour line to see. I've seen it in a book. Good enough. Next, there's the Eiffel Tower, but then again, I'm afraid of heights so what good does that do me? The Seine? Piss on the Seine, as many of the Parisians seem to do. The highlight of my trip to France was Euro Disney and that's something we have not one, but two of stateside! 

Also, the French are so uppity, looking down on the looseness of American culture. However, I don't think I have ever seen more boobs in my life than my short trip to Paris. My mom had to change the channels at our 5 star hotel while we covered our eyes, to bypass the dozens of freely available pornographic channels, and even the rides at the carnival across the street were covered with naked women. Naked hairy women. Naked hairy women who most likely have not showered in a week. On that pleasant note, Au Revoir.

P.S. Sorry Ali. 

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