Friday, June 5, 2009

#30 I Hate Matthew McConaughey

I am so sick of seeing this guy all over People's "Hottest" lists. I don't find him appealing in the slightest, and what other place to share my opinions on this shirtless beast than right here? First of all, put your shirt back on, it's getting ridiculous. You're almost 40 years old, it's time to grow up. We're happy for you that you spend every waking moment off your compilation of terrible movie sets working out (without a shirt on). You've proved your point. Now cover up. I know, I know, I'm complaining about a man with a certified 8 pack here, but it's to the point where I'd rather stare at Jack Black doing crunches on the beach. Your abs are old news, Matt.

So is your acting career. What was the last semi decent movie you were in, because I certainly cannot remember. Wait, I take that back, I could probably watch "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" twice a week, but that has absolutely nothing to do with your lackluster acting skills, and more to do with your adorable costar, Kate Hudson, whose crazy antics in attempt to get dumped, remind me of my relationship with my high school boyfriend. Only in my case, I wasn't just pretending to be insane. Sorry to you, you know who you are.

The Southern accent, which usually makes me swoon does nothing for me in the case of Matthew McConaughey. I don't know what it is, but it seems to have the opposite effect. It sounds like he has something in his mouth when he's speaking. And while you sure do spend a lot of time in the sun on your hourly workout rituals, there is no way your skin is that tan. Ladies and Gents, I think we've spotted a man-tanner here and we know how much I hate those.

For being in the acting circuit for so long, isn't it a little pathetic that you've never even come close to being nominated for an academy award? Oh, but congrats! I forgot you were nominated for the MTV Movie Award for best chemistry with none other than JLo in the celebrated "Wedding Planner"!! What an accomplishment! And when you are loosing your time in the celebrity spotlight, you find some poor no name model to impregnate so you can eke out another 15 minutes of fame. Wonder how long that one will last. I'm guessing it will be similar to your last box office hit, "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past;" a major flop.

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