Wednesday, June 10, 2009

#31 I Hate Mean Lesbians

As much as I would love to just straight up say I hate lesbians, I realize that this would be incredibly un-PC of me, and as much as I don't really care about being PC, I guess there are some nice lesbians out there, I just have yet to meet them. Why are they such haters? (Yeah, yeah I see the self loathing irony here), but really, why are they so angry all the time?

Mean lesbians used to frequent the restaurant I once worked at (and was fired from) all the time, and it was they who demanded burn mark free chicken strips (nearly impossible), told me their diet cokes "did not taste normal" and would then leave me with a 2% tip, if that. Hey mean lez, why are you so angry with me? I thought you only hated men. Do I look like a man to you? HELLO! I am most likely wearing a ruffled cardigan and flower headband here. You on the other hand, mean lez, could very well pass for a man in most cases.

And I do understand the man hating, I really do. Most days I'm right there with ya, but when it comes down to it, there are some things you mean lezzies do (I won't get graphic here) that I just could never bring myself to do. And as beautiful as Bar Rafaeli (my number one girl crush) may be, I'd much prefer admiring her from afar, to other forms of lesbian action. Also, if you hate men so much, why do you insist on looking like one? The baggy sweat pants and the reeboks with the straps may work for Flo Rida, but the only straps you should be sporting are strap ons. Booyah.

Mean lesbians are the ones that go and adopt unsuspecting asian babies and raise them on organic diets, not allowing them to watch t.v. (they don't permit those devil machines in the home), and having only 30 minutes of computer time per week. Other than that, it's intelligent conversation and 500 piece puzzles. At this rate, young Genevieve of South Korea will be a mean lesbian herself one day! 

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