#22 I Hate P.D.A.

Does anyone actually like it?  And, if people are constantly complaining and saying things like, "get a room!" then who is left to actually partake in it?  I've never heard a person say that they enjoy watching others engage in public displays of affection, but I have seen many a couple huddled up in the corner of a bar, with their tongues down each others throats, so the secret is out, many do like it, and p.d.a. is here to stay.  Seriously, gag me.  And I wouldn't say I am being a hypocrite here, and that when drinking, peoples' senses of judgement are off.  I stand by the fact that I have never to my knowledge taken part in such behavior, and I have no intention to.

I don't really even see the rationalization for hand holding, as it usually just makes others around you feel nauseous.  Okay, we see you two are involved in a romantic relationship, but aren't your hands sweaty and uncomfortable?  Really, I just do not see the point, and whenever I see two people holding hands in public, I just want to karate chop them right down the middle.

When you feel the need to start up with the touchy-feely interactions, it's simply time to leave. I'll even hail you a cab if you ask, as I'd rather spend my evening directing couples toward the exit, than watching them take up space in the already packed to capacity bar, swapping spit all night.  Is it that difficult to leave?  Or do these people maybe just not have anywhere to go because they still live with their parents?  Or are they such social outcasts that they feel some sort of need to prove themselves by saying, "Hey, Chicago, watch me get some ass tonight!" Usually, people who are drunk enough to engage in p.d.a. in a bar, the guy/girl chosen ranges from a certified gargoyle to, at best, an average Joe/Jill.  I guess that does add some entertainment value to passersby.  

The worst is when it's people that are in an actual relationship of some sort.  I mean why did they even decide to leave home, where they have a nice big couch and a bedroom 10 feet away? It's great to see couples come out and have a good time, but usually this just does not seem to be the case.  You see them constantly, sharing one bar stool with their hands all over each other, or up against the wall by the bathroom, and that's never fun for anyone.  So, I guess I'll make some other suggestions for those out there that can't seem to make it home:

1)Bathroom stall

2)Backseat of taxi

3)Cardboard box in the alley

4)Dumpster 

5)The El

As outlandish as some of these propositions may seem, I happen to know of occurrences in most of these locations, and I find them equally amusing.  I'm open to any new suggestions, as I think it is important for the issue of p.d.a. to be addressed full-on, and people need to be aware that there are far more options for themselves than fully abstaining from such activity.  Sounds sort of like a high school sex ed lecture...