Yeah, that's right, I said it. If that makes me some kind of social outcast, so be it. Maybe it's pathetic that I'd rather sit on my couch, air conditioning set to 65 degrees watching Law and Order: SVU marathons, than hang out at the Fill in the Blank St. Art Fest, but I don't care. I'm 100 percent content watching Benson and Stabler put away child rapists while you're out boozing on the streets, alcohol and sweat oozing out of your pores.
Outdoor festivals are crowded, sweaty, steamy and terrible. There is never any seating available, and you wait in line for hours before getting a beer which you then spill all over yourself 5 seconds later when one of the many wife beater wearing festival goers walks into you. It's swelteringly hot and most people there wish they were on their couches watching Law and Order: SVU Marathons. Come on, admit it.
Does anyone really care about the infinite tents of artwork? It all looks the same to me. People weave in and out pretending to be interested, each time the artist's heart racing, wondering, will this be my big break? It never is. It actually depresses me, thinking of these people spending their summers packing and repacking the same kitschy paintings and household decor that will most likely never be sold. Sometimes I'll buy a pair of earrings or a bracelet, just to be nice, but in this current economic situation, even I will say no to the unappealing glass beaded keychains and rusting silver rings.
I guess the food is good, as hotdogs and hamburgers tend to be, but living in Chicago, isn't it just as easy to walk across the street for a sizzlin' red hot with fries? I'll give some major points to street fair lemonade, as it seems to be an amazing mixture, the perfect combination of sweet and sour particular to the outdoor festival. The problem here is that last time I ordered this delectable concoction, I stubbled upon a small, curly black hair. Was this the secret ingredient of street fair lemonade? If only the walls of the canvas white tents could talk.
Summer is just around the corner, and along with the 90 degree Chicago heat and humidity comes many an outdoor festival. I will not be in attendance, so in case you're wondering where to find me, I'll be on my pet hair infested couches listening to the melodious words, "In the criminal justice system, sexually based based offenses are considered especially heinous..." Amen to that.
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